I struggle on a daily basis with my feelings on where I am with my life. When you are a little girl, you dream of what your life will be when you are in your late 20s....and true to form, I thought I would be married, living in a house with my sweet husband, and MAYBE have a baby by now. Now that I'm actually in my late 20s, I am THANKFUL for my life just the way that it is. I have a wonderful man in my life, a man that is my best friend. I have an amazing career that I didn't dream possible, nor did I ever think I would be in a manufacturing environment. My dreams are still my dreams, but the timing of it all has shifted.
BUT God has other plans for me. He is leading my path through an amazing career, through an amazing life with my best friend, through the maze of the "Houston" lifestyle. His plans are so far greater than mine own, but I struggle to keep the faith that He has the best intentions for me. That is a hard truth to admit, but my faith wavers on a daily basis. I am working so hard to keep my faith, to keep on this journey.
Right now, I struggle with the fact that he has led my path to Houston, but he has left Matt in San Antonio. When is He going to lead Matt to Houston or to the same city for that matter? Only time will tell. My faith needs to grow in the fact that He has our (mine and Matt's) best intentions at heart, and if He wants us together, then He will bring these paths together. I am trying not to waver. But it is a daily struggle.
Today, He knew exactly what I needed to hear (or read). I follow another blog, Chapters, where she talks about her daily stuggles. I do not know her personally, only through the blogging world, but each time I read her blog, and even though our lives are nothing alike, I identify with her words, with her prayers, with her stuggles. While our stuggles are completely different, the are the same in the fact that we want our "status" to change in life. That we want to control it, but we both know He is the only one who can control our paths. She posted this prayer,
Lord, help me to find my Ultimate identity in you...not my status in this life. Give me the strength to care about what you think of me and ONLY what you think of me. Help me to maximize my time for your glory somehow even when I feel so weak. Or, truthfully, so afraid that "today" is a picture of "forever". Please take these blah feelings and turn them into contentment. God, make me undistracted in my affections for you.
WOW!! Talking about a sucker punch of greatness!! This prayer struct a MAJOR cord with me and will now be apart of my daily prayer. I don't blog about this for sympathy or for anyone to pity me. I blog about this so I can document my feelings, so I can make strides to change each and every day. Call me crazy, but my Type A personality tends to make me journal. However long it takes, I am on this journey for the long haul. I love my life, I love my family, I love my Matt, and I love God. Now to keep my faith candle burning......
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