Standstill

These past few months have felt like life has been at a standstill. It's not that is literally has, but my life feels stuck. Don't get me wrong, life isn't horrible... I am very blessed... amazing family, sweet, caring boyfriend, what girl would complain? Add to that the wonderful job, roof over my head, and great financial situation.... I have no reason to be down about life. But I am. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? I know exactly what is causing these feelings, and its my inability to be patient. I am ready for a certain part of my life to start, I am ready for this littleBIG thing called MARRIAGE. But I have a partner who is not ready. I respect this, and I so want him to be ready when this day comes, but at the same time, I am so ready. I pray that God will take away my anxiety, worry, and impatience, because I am struggling on a daily basis. 

The impact is feeling more real at this moment because this past weekend what I thought would help my anxiety, didn't help at all. I planned a wonderful girls weekend at the beach. My sweet girlfriends whom I've had since I was child. All in one place, having a great time, catching up and soaking up the sun. I was beyond excited for the weekend. And WHAM. As we are all sitting around, they are all talking endlessly about their children, what pregnancy does to your body, marriage woes, and all that involves being a wife. Me? I sat there silent most of the weekend. Unable to relate to any of them, unable to speak about my worries, my problems, unable to have a conversation with the girls. Am I hurting because of this, yes. Am I hurting because no one noticed I wasn't speaking? Absolutely. I know  they are all at a different place than me in life, that everyone reaches the life milestones at different points, but when you are so ready for that part of your life to begin, it becomes very apparent you do not control this part of the picture. It's not that I wanted to talk about ME ME ME, I would have loved to have been apart of the conversation. 

I love Matt more than anything. More than a big, flashy diamond. More than a grand, luxe wedding. So much that I am so ready to start our next chapter. So what is so wrong with me that we aren't starting that Chapter. 

I have to turn this over to God. He know's the reasoning. He know's the timing. He know's why I need to be patient. I pray that one day I find out these answers. And I really hope that day is soon :) 

Two date nights, Two different ideas...

In tune with our adventures, Matt and I each planned a special treat for the other, to celebrate our three year milestone. My being the impatient one, I decided to share my special event  first. Everyone knows that Matt loves, loves, LOVES going to the movies. It is his way to relax, check out from reality and enjoy the story. He loves going so much so, that he often lets me pick out what I want to see, chick flicks and all, and will happily go with me! Me on the other hand, I'm not a big movie buff, but I like seeing movies with him.

Idecided that I was going to treat my lovey to a drive-in movie experience. I just found out about the drive-in theater in Hockley, and turns out, it isn't THAT far from Houston. I ventured to Whole Foods, got all of Matt's favorite treats, including popcorn, packing a little ice chest and we were off to the drive-in. Now, I have to share, I WAS SO EXCITED. Here we were, out in the country, with our picnic dinner, seats folded down, hatch open, and watching a movie under the stars. We had such a fun time!! We saw Moneyball, and I thought it wasn't that great (at least to me) but Matt really liked it. Check him for the reviews..... it was a wonderful experience and a special date night treat! I can't wait to go back!! It was a wonderful way to kick off our celebration weekend :)

Now let me just start with, Matt's plans for our anniversary weekend blew my movie treat out of the water. He started off the day, cooking breakfast, packing our bags into the car, and off we went to Hyatt Lost Pines, right outside of Bastrop! Excitment doesn't begin to explain my thoughts, because ever since I started living in Austin, I have wanted to go to this beautiful resort. I would always pass by, and gaze at the sign, dreaming that one day, I would get to see and experience it all. My sweet lovey brought this experience to life for me, and let me just say, WHAT AN AMAZING experience it was. Walking into the resort, you feel a million miles away from everything, as this place truly feels like an oasis. The hill country has and always will be one of our favorite places, so its no surprise that we fell in love with Hyatt Lost Pines. We started the adventure with a trip to the pool, going around the lazy river a few times, enjoying cocktails, and laying out by the adult only pool. That evening, Matt treated me a wonderful dinner at their prime location, Stories. Delicious doesn't even begin to describe the food. AMAZING!! After dinner, we went to the lounge, enjoyed some blues music, played a little pool, where I did beat Matt (hey, 1 our of 3 games works for me), played a little dart game. We ended the night dancing a bit to the music, then took a stroll around the property. Ahh, this place is gorgeous!! On Sunday, we did a quick work out (something we have both come to enjoy doing together) and then breakfast was waiting in our room. Here are a few pictures from our adventures at Lost Pines. Cannot WAIT to go back!!

Our number is Three

Life happens, whether it by in three days, three weeks, three months, or in my case, three years. Yesterday marked three years since Matt and I started dating. THREE YEARS!?!?! WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?!?! We have been through so much, not only as a couple, but as individuals. It amazes that I've only known this man for such a short time, because it truly feels like I've known him forever. From the day we met, I knew there was something special about him. I'm guessing he feels the same way about me....but hey.....I'm not speaking for him!  :)

We always like to say we are going on adventures.... We joke about The Adventures of Matt and Cortney. Our adventure continues each and every day. I am so excited to see where this adventure continues to lead us.

Happy Three Years my love, here's to many more.....

A Day worth waiting three years for....

My life changed completely when I met my best friend three years ago. I knew from the moment we first went out, that this was going to be something special. God had a plan for us, and that plan keeps developing each and every day.

 

All of you know that M and I have never lived in the same city...he has always been in SA, and I in Austin, and just recently I made a career move to HOU. While I was full steam ahead on the career front, I was nervous about my decision and how it could/would effect our relationship. Would there be the perfect position for M in HOU? How long would this transition take for him? I prayed (and boy did I PRAY) that this transition would be smooth and quick process, but God has a sense of humor, and I am learning to admire that about Him. :) After a few kinks in the plan, I can finally say, that my best friend now lives only 20 minutes away from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are both calling Houston home, and I couldn't be more excited. M accepted a job as a counselor at the prision, and he is excited to start working on Wednesday. I'm excited about our relationship changing from a "long distance" relationship....to a relationship. NO MORE LONG DISTANCE!!!!!! I am so excited for this next chapter in our lives, and I can't wait to see how God continues to mold us and our relationship and we only had to wait three years for this day to come...

Keep that candle burning

I struggle on a daily basis with my feelings on where I am with my life. When you are a little girl, you dream of what your life will be when you are in your late 20s....and true to form, I thought I would be married, living in a house with my sweet husband, and MAYBE have a baby by now. Now that I'm actually in my late 20s, I am THANKFUL for my life just the way that it is. I have a wonderful man in my life, a man that is my best friend. I have an amazing career that I didn't dream possible, nor did I ever think I would be in a manufacturing environment. My dreams are still my dreams, but the timing of it all has shifted.

 

BUT God has other plans for me. He is leading my path through an amazing career, through an amazing life with my best friend, through the maze of the "Houston" lifestyle. His plans are so far greater than mine own, but I struggle to keep the faith that He has the best intentions for me. That is a hard truth to admit, but my faith wavers on a daily basis. I am working so hard to keep my faith, to keep on this journey.

 

Right now, I struggle with the fact that he has led my path to Houston, but he has left Matt in San Antonio. When is He going to lead Matt to Houston or to the same city for that matter? Only time will tell. My faith needs to grow in the fact that He has our (mine and Matt's) best intentions at heart, and if He wants us together, then He will bring these paths together. I am trying not to waver. But it is a daily struggle.

 

Today, He knew exactly what I needed to hear (or read). I follow another blog, Chapters, where she talks about her daily stuggles. I do not know her personally, only through the blogging world, but each time I read her blog, and even though our lives are nothing alike, I identify with her words, with her prayers, with her stuggles. While our stuggles are completely different, the are the same in the fact that we want our "status" to change in life. That we want to control it, but we both know He is the only one who can control our paths. She posted this prayer,

 

Lord, help me to find my Ultimate identity in you...not my status in this life.  Give me the strength to care about what you think of me and ONLY what you think of me. Help me to maximize my time for your glory somehow even when I feel so weak. Or, truthfully, so afraid that "today" is a picture of "forever".  Please take these blah feelings and turn them into contentment.  God, make me undistracted in my affections for you.

 

WOW!! Talking about a sucker punch of greatness!! This prayer struct a MAJOR cord with me and will now be apart of my daily prayer. I don't blog about this for sympathy or for anyone to pity me. I blog about this so I can document my feelings, so I can make strides to change each and every day. Call me crazy, but my Type A personality tends to make me journal. However long it takes, I am on this journey for the long haul. I love my life, I love my family, I love my Matt, and I love God. Now to keep my faith candle burning......

Common Theme

Life is getting ready to tail spin out of control, but if I have my way (and I am known to get my way from time to time), it will be a bit of a controlled chaos. I can handle this.

I am starting a new adventure, a new chapter, a new journey in the next two weeks. I have accepted an offer for a new position with a company in Houston. YES HOUSTON. I am ready to get back to my roots. I am taking this job for many different reasons professionally, but the main reason personally is because I love my family so very much, and am now JUMPING as the opportunity to be closer to them.

You might wonder how Matt feels about all of this. Well, I am very thankful (and thrilled) that he is so supportive, and so excited with this new adventure as well. He is applying for jobs in Houston, so those of you reading this little blog, please pray for him to find the perfect position, QUICKLY. I thought our long distance relationship between SA and Austin was hard enough....now I feel like I haven't even met hard until I move to Houston. We are praying for a smooth transition.

Another new aspect that comes along with taking a new job is finding the perfect place to call home. I've never lived in Houston, so I'm beyond excited at the chance I have to live in the heart of the city, but best of all, I get to live with my best friend, my sister. Which sister you may ask..... Kim. (Kasey, you are my best friend too). :) Kim and I will be living together for the first time since we lived at our parents nearly 9 nears ago. How lucky are we, that later in life, we get to go on this adventure of living in the big city together. EEKKK I can't wait!

So my common theme today is new. New adventure, New Journey, New Chapter in the crazy thing called life. 

Birthdays!

Birthdays are a wonderful celebration of life, a time to reflect on the past year, time to look forward to the next year. I love celebrating birthdays, and it comes as no surprise that I love celebrating the people I love. M had a wonderful birthday this year (at least I like to hope). His sweet family came down on Friday, we spent the day hanging out, going to a wonderful lunch, great movie, and topped it all off with a delish dinner on the Riverwalk. It was such a treat to have them in SA :)

On Saturday, M's family had to get back, so we went fishing at Choke Canyon. M is such a fisherman! He loves spending time on the lake, hoping for the next big catch. It is by far his most favorite thing to do with his Dad. We have been dating 2.5years, but yet, we have never been fishing together. I respect that this is a "man" activity, and I did not want to tread on those "waters." BUT I knew how much he loved fishing, so I thought, what a better way to spend the rest of his birthday weekend. So I gathered all the fishing supplies, our fishing "outfits" (because of course you need an outfit to fish in) and packed a picnic. While the big fish got away that day, we had the most wonderful time outside, enjoying the lake, enjoying each other's company, and I actually enjoyed M teaching me how to fish!

I am so thankful to have M in my life, thankful for his peaceful demeanor, thankful for his sweet smile, and his gracious heart. What a wonderful year ahead, and I can't wait to see what this year has in store for him. Happy Birthday M!

Riverwalk with the family

Birthday boy and his sweet Mom. 

Birthday cake bites!

Here fishy fishy!

Enjoying the scenery, waiting on the fish to bite!

 I look forward to many more fishing trips with my fisherman. What a wonderful birthday weekend. 

Spontaneity is entering my life.

I am not a spontaneous person, but rather, I am a planner. My life is indicative of needing plans, between M in SA, me in Austin and our wonderful families spread across the state, a plan is always necessary to make sure we have time for ourselves, each other and our families. I love having a plan, our weekends are planned from now until the first of July. Most people would shudder at this fact, but I welcome it, because I know it will be spent with people that we love.

But, back to this spontaneous bug I caught. My friend J invited me to Vegas for the weekend, and it just so happened that I didn't have ANY PLANS!!! So two weeks prior to the trip, I booked my plane ticket, and she booked the hotel. We were all set! I couldn't wait :) This trip was exactly what I wanted, what I needed, to get away from it all!

Vegas was incredible. The time with sweet friends was amazing, and on top of all of that, we got to see CELINE DION!! What a wonderful treat, and a genuine performer. Crossed one thing off the bucket list. Here are so fun pictures from our great weekend.

So thank you sweet friend for inviting me along for a wonderful weekend trip. So thankful for you and grateful for the spontaneity you brought into my life that weekend!

WW 14

Weight watchers week 14 is behind me, and I am two pounds lighter! YIPPEEE!!

This week I signed up to participate in the Challenge Walk, taking place on 5/21. I am going to build myself up to a 5K, and I want to run the entire thing. Training starts today, and I haven't run anywhere, every in my life. Wish me luck, I"m going to need it!

Total weight loss to date : 16.2lbs

Goal by June 30,2011: 30lbs lost